Apr 27, 2015

PTSD: Hell Lives Within

Haunted by demons

who come from the past,

engulfed by memories

that swallow your soul.

Living in torment,

dreaming of Hell,

brought on by situations

out of control.

Spiraling downward,

grasping at straws,

praying to God

to make this shit stop.

For those of us

who suffer from PTSD,

life is a battle

we fight everyday,

trying our damnedest

to make sense of it all.

We were traumatized in ways

we  are unable to share,

but when we do,

the dark clouds of fear,

hate, anger and guilt,

rush back with a vengeance

that has a life of its own.

We try and live our lives

the best way we can,

but most people think

we are crazy

or don't understand

this Hell that dwells in us

that causes such pain.

We get angry, violent or sad,

so the world sees us

in negative light,

when all we are doing is

fighting the demons

that started this shit.

Cut off from a society

that can't see

through our eyes,

isolating ourselves

inside tortured minds,

feeling desperately lonely,

seeking and clinging

to those small moments

of thoughtful insight

that come from

our journey of

questions and answers,

wondering if we

will ever be free

from this Hell that lives within.

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Apr 10, 2015

The Illusion Of Control

As we journey along our path of life,

the world around us appears

to be ever spinning

into a complex and chaotic circus

of performers and directors,

playing their parts on a stage 

that seems set to control us.

We can get caught up in this

tumultuous web of illusions and lies,

that sweep us into other realities

brought on by the players

whose agenda is controlling the masses.

We then struggle thru the foggy haze

of greed, hate, fear and war,

believing this illusion of control is all there is,

seeking, and stumbling our way thru,

with eyes that confuse us.

Life and nature are ever changing,

ebbing and flowing towards

a finale we can't see coming,

no matter what we do or how we play

our parts in this world around us.

The more we try to control it,

the more we hurt and suffer,

complicating our lives

to the point of chaos, or madness,

when all we have to do

is reach out and grab hold

of the only real truth out there,

which is letting go and allowing

nature to take its course.

When we finally realize 

that living in the moment,

working towards our goals and desires,

yet allowing ourselves to be

swept up in the ever-changing,

ever-spontaneous circle of life,

we can then step off the stage

of the illusion of control,

and start living our lives to the fullest.

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This work by mysticdave is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Jan 8, 2015

See Beneath The Lies

Those who wallow

in greed and hate

bathe themselves

in the blood

of the honest man,

who works and loves

each day and night,
providing a better place

for all upon this land.

These hate filled souls

come in all sizes,

colors and shapes,

spreading their lies

across the globe,

reaping profits

thru fear and war,

while cloaking themselves

in righteous gain.

Their deceit runs deep

and their power strong,

fleecing the masses

for all they have,

while shouting from atop

their temples and thrones, 

"freedom and justice

for all mankind!"

To see beneath these lies

of greed and hate,

is the ultimate test

 of the noble man,

who stands and fights

for the common good,

while enduring the scars

of harm and spite,

from the evil ones

who are exposed.

We all must stand together,

bonding ourselves

to a common thread,

healing from the wounds

these so-called

righteous men impose,

learning that what they speak

is their wicked truths,

and not our own.

When we educate ourselves

in the truth of light,

we can then walk with

the pure power of love,

knowing we brought

out the evil ones,

because we finally learned

to see beneath the lies.

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Sep 26, 2014

Shadow Men

The shadow fluttered, always hovering just inside Kelli's sight. It started as a smudge in the corner of her eye, growing bolder until she turned her head for a better look and then it would disappear. It always eluded her efforts to catch a glimpse. Her mom called them shadow men. She had noticed them since she was five years old and the first time it startled her so much she ran to her room and hid underneath the bed. Eventually she told her mother about the shadows, quick as lightning and impossible to catch. Kelli was six then. Her mother had smiled and told her a story of the shadow men. They were harmless, tricksters really.

If Kelli didn't want to imagine, her mom would take her to the doctor and he would tell her they were just dust particles floating in her eye, causing the illusion of movement. Her mother had her press her hands tight against her eyes, showing her another trick the eyes could play. Kaleidoscopes of color burst behind her lids and she laughed. No, the darting black smudges had never scared her. They were gone so quickly it was hard to say how she felt about them. They awakened her curiosity and she promised that next time she saw one she would follow. She might get lucky and be able to follow a shadow to where they lived. Deep down she knew there was a logical explanation. Her mom had told her so. It was just fun to imagine.

Here was one now, fading quickly in the corner of her eye so she started the game, giggling with delight. Chasing shadows would be fun and she would only be gone a few minutes. Shadows had better things to do than playing with her all day and they were cooperating, appearing every few seconds so she could keep up. She was so intent on following it she had wandered into the woods behind her house. They were off limits unless her mom was with her but Kelli didn't pause. She ignored the thorns that bit into her legs, there was time for soap and bandages later, and she'd be back before her mom even knew she was gone. She wanted to catch the shadow man. The shadow darted and she followed deeper into the forest.

Her excitement disappeared when she realized the shadow had slipped inside a hollow tree. A few dry leaves clung to the branches and it was losing the battle to stay upright. Her eyes grew big as she glanced up, noticing the forest had swallowed her and she hadn't even known. The smell of freshly fallen leaves turned dank in this place, assaulting her nose before settling into the pit of her stomach. A tickling panic set in and she silenced her scared sobs and stumbled, her hand rasping against the rough bark. She started whispering to herself, that she wasn't lost. She would just gather herself together and find her way home.

The shadow was gone now, the game was over and maybe shadow men weren't fun after all. She wiped her face, dirt streaked her cheeks and it grew darker. Kelli heard strange voices whispering her name. They floated on the wind and the branches clacked like dry bones. Her head whipped in a frenzy, her ears trying to pinpoint the sound until her curls tangled in a low branch. She wrenched free, the panic now bottomless, and she shook uncontrollably. The voices were coming from inside the tree. The shadow man had gone inside but he still wanted to play.

Kelli tried to get her feet to take her home but her fear kept her frozen and she turned towards the tree. She leaned closer, drawn by her fear to confront the voices swirling within the hypnotic darkness. The wind began to roar and the tree shook, the shadow man shot out to blanket the small girl. A malevolent moan rumbled through the air and Kelli's shrill scream of terror burst and faded as she and the shadow man dissipated into thin air. Everything settled back into silence.

A year had passed since Susan's daughter had vanished. The woman was sitting at the kitchen table, listless and limp, staring at a postcard that had come in the mail. The headline read "HAVE YOU SEEN ME" and underneath was a picture of Kelli. Mesmerized by her daughter's eyes, she begged forgiveness from the postcard.

A knock at the door startled her out of her anguish, guilt made her clutch the paper to her chest and she wiped away her tears. Grief made her old before her time, and with the shuffle of an ancient woman she plodded to the door to open it. A rotten odor she hadn't noticed before hung heavy, unpleasant enough to make her cringe. The door swung open. She stepped back in horror. It was Kelli. Susan reached for her lost daughter before she noticed the grayness of the girl's skin. Her baby's eyes that were once a bright blue were now black. The child's head hung to the side and Susan stumbled back, realizing that hideous smell of decay was coming from Kelli. Her jaw dropped open, impossibly wide, her body jerking. Her voice hissed, dripping with accusation. "You were wrong about the shadow men, Momma. They're not nice at all."

Black erupted from the girl's mouth and eyes, tendrils of shadow darted and clung to Susan, enveloping her completely before she could manage a scream. Susan struggled even as her shadow-wrapped body evaporated like sun-drenched fog. An eerie moan played along for a few moments before fading, leaving only the ticking of the clock on the wall to echo in the empty house. The postcard of Kelli fluttered to the floor, and after awhile there was only the sun casting shadows on the wall.

Related Post: A Haunted Summer Night

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This work by mysticdave is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.